And so the end is near..... but not yet ....

So I am closer to the end of my life than the beginning. Don't get me wrong,as far as I know I am not sick and dying and  although it seems morbid, I know that I am getting older. My dad always used to say "beats the alternative". I agree. I have always said you should always treat each day as a gift because we might not get tomorrow and it hit me I really don't know how much time there is. I think it's because my dad died when he was only 2 years older than I am now.I know that being a woman I am less likely to get prostate cancer.I still miss him everyday.

 I think about him a lot and I find myself saying some of the things he said to me but I am not air quoting but just saying it . It makes me laugh and feel old .For instance I said the other day "wow I haven't been there in 20 years", I used to hear my parents say stuff like that and think they was ancient! now 29 years doesn't seem so long. my husband just went to the cemetery today is the anniversary of his father's death. It's been 25 years it feels like 5. I hope that I am able to be like my grandmother was She stayed coherent till her old age-she lived to be 103. I don't think I want to be around that long unless I am healthy enough. I worry more about becoming a burden than dying. I have always thought of dying as a natural part of life and have never worried about it much.