Where does time go?

So many days sitting at the desk with my finger tips freezing. The snow was  all blowing around. How many days of shoveling did I do? Man it wore me down! This past winter was at the same time slow and fast. The days seemed to drag but the weeks just flew!. I don't know how that happens.
But spring has finally come and and the days should feel longer but they seem so terribly short. I feel like we haven't had a nice spring transition into spring in years. We hare having a real spring and each day is just flying and all I want to do is relax and enjoy one.I know it will turn hot pretty quickly, and though summer is wonderful spring seems like it's a rare occurrence lately.
Does anyone feel like that? I don't understand how time work? Why does it feel so short sometimes? Or so long?? It's not just days that move too quick , but years  fly by too! I never knew how short life was until I had children. I remember hearing my parents both say that when I was a young girl. But I had no idea.
My youngest daughter is almost 24!! What the hell. It feels like we went to her high school graduation two maybe three years ago.
It's been five . Wow!! So little time left so much time past, I hope I don't spend too much time missing the nice days,once it's gone you never get it back. That's why I spent the day yesterday with my daughter and it was a nice day. I hope to bank a few more of them in my memory before it's too late . Hey hug yourself and sit outside 30 minutes to read a chapter in your book . Even if it means getting up 5:30 a.m. ,instead of 6:00.I want to enjoy some time. To enjoy what god has given us.

Dreams and other things....

I can't sleep. Well I do sleep,but it's always interrupted. Lot's of times by dreams. Some times by some furry creature that wants to let out.
But when I wake up, it is so hard to fall back asleep. Some nights that "falling back" never comes. In the night all these thoughts come uninvited. Random crazy thoughts some real, some just weird! Some nights the voice in my head is very critical indeed.It lets me know of every damn failure I have ever made. I remember things as a kid that I forgot in my daytime life. Neighbors friends I had when I was little. Pets that I had. Some good and some not good memories.
The night hours also play with my self-esteem. It's like only negative thoughts come through at night.If it's nightmares that wake me it's usually a very realistic one. Sometimes a nightmare is something that occurred in real life. One time when I was a kid a neighbor of my grandmothers hung himself in his basement,sadly I got to see him hanging there just before the police arrived.
 My brother's death. A storm we had . Sometimes it's terrifying, and I can't move when I wake up . I still see the images in my head for several hours.  
The worse are the ones that feel like premonitions (I have had those rarely).That type of dream can stay with me during the day hours. Not that it is a constant thought in my head but more of a flash here and there thinking about it. This happens if I've dream something has happened to one of my kids. I have dreamed that someone they know hurt them physically and I saw it but couldn't do anything. I have woke up with a name in my head just to find out that person died in real life,or was hurt. People come in my head I haven't thought of in years.
Don't get me wrong I have perfectly lovely dreams too. Dreams where I am  at a beautiful beach,watching the waves,or walking in the sand. These dreams are also vivid,and waking from them leaves me feeling a little sad.I just hate how not sleeping makes me feel.Somedays I feel like I can't function at all. Anyone else not sleeping?

I NEED spring. Praying for spring like weather......PLEASE!

 This was a cold snowy winter. I am feeling twenty years older than I did at the beginning of it. Let me say this I hate snow .I have always hated snow! It may be pretty that first little dusting ...with the little sparkles in the sunshine but we have all really had enough.This photo was taken around the third snow fall this winter. I shoveled and shoveled and it became impossible to find any where to pile it!! I am grateful that I don't live in Minnesota or some other snowbound place,because it truly was ENOUGH this year! I am so excited that the small bulb plants have started to emerge from the ground.They always give me hope that spring will arrive.I know it always has but this year with so many days below normal temperatures,I am feeling disheartened. I will tell you I work at a school as a lunch lady .I don't handle food (we don't have a hot lunch) but I take kids out to play. There is no better noise (it is LOUD) than about ninety- eight year old children going out to play! I have been at this job and have never had so many indoor days! Trust me it's no fun sitting in the gym watching children watch movies!

Chico loves to play in the snow but even he was getting tired of trying to have a bathroom break in waist high snow! He is looking for warm spring days to bask in the sun!Although the calendar says spring has begun... I guess chico and I will wait for some warmth! If you know a spring dance do it ! Now please! I want to see grass and flowers ... screw my allergies.. I want to feel sun on my face, I want to wear a t-shirt and jeans and hear the laughter of ninety something children for thirty minutes! I want to come home and bask in the sun with the best pitbull ever!


COME ON SPRING!!!!!!!